


Introducing the Dazai Twins

by addicted_2_manga



Series: Pandora's Stray Dogs [1]
Category: Pandora Hearts, 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Genre: Atsushi is so confuzzled, Break and Dazai are besties, Crossover, Gen, If Break is the PH Dazai then Reim is Kunikida, Kunikida is doomed, Pandora's Stray Dogs, Sharon don't play, the Pandora Hearts/ Bungou Stray Dogs crossover no-one asked for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 12:51:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15461769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/addicted_2_manga/pseuds/addicted_2_manga
Summary: Xerxes Break and Osamu Dazai are the best of friends.





	Introducing the Dazai Twins

    It was an exceptionally ordinary day at the Armed Detective Agency, until Xerxes Break crawled out from inside one of the storage cabinets. He pulled his walking stick out after himself and stood up. Straightening his clothes, Break scanned the room, noting Ranpo sleeping in his usual spot, nodding a greeting at Naomi as she walked past, and finally locking eyes with Kunikida, who had been busy with his morning report.

    “Ah, Doppo-kun. Good morning.” A lollipop seemed to magically materialize in Break’s hand, as candy often did, and Break unwrapped it with a flourish. Kunikida stood, wondering to himself if the man before him now even knew what a door was, let alone how to enter and exit through one like a normal person.

    “Why are you here, Break?” He asked calmly. A panicked thought struck him as Break merely stood in front of the cabinet he’d just emerged from, considering Kunikida languidly as he savoured his treat. “Has a portal opened up here in Yokohama? Will Pandora need to get involved?! What can we do to hel-“

    Break crunched loudly as he took a bite of his sucker. “You really need to relax. I’m here to see Osamu.” As Knuikida let loose a barrage of incensed insults at Break for having not said so in the first place, Break scanned the room again.  
“I see he’s not here, though. Perhaps he is somewhere downriver?” he suggested, ignoring Kunikida’s outburst.

    Kunikida calmed himself, but his face remained sour. “That waste of bandages? He hasn’t come in yet. Probably still sleeping in his dorm. And no-where in my agenda does it say I spend my morning babysitting a mad hatter.”  
Break played at being offended, an act Kunikda never did buy. “Doppo-kun. I hardly need to be supervised.” He crossed over to a trashcan and deposited the wrapper and stick from his sucker. “You don’t trust me?” He widened his eyes in shock.

    “You’re worse than your twin. I know better than to leave you to yourself.” Sneering in response to the Cheshire grin Break offered, Kunikida adjusted his glasses. “And must I tell you again? Things may work differently at Pandora, but this is the Armed Detective Agency. I’d appreciate it you weren’t so familiar.”

    “My apologies Kunikida-kun.” Break bowed dramatically. They both knew how pointless the gesture was, as Break would be back to calling him Doppo by the end of the day.  
“I suppose that would explain Emily’s absence.” Kunikida only then noticed the lack of a small blue doll on Break’s left shoulder, which suited him just fine. Emily unnerved him just as much as she seemed to unnerve Dazai, who oddly had an as-of-yet-unexplained aversion to dolls. Break smiled.

    Just then, Atsushi walked in from the bathroom. He stopped short when he saw Break, who admittedly looked extremely out of place. The shoulder-less white jacket that draped around Break like a cloak stayed on only thanks to some fashionable leather straps that crisscrossed in the front, to meet behind Break’s neck around a metal ring. A third strap hung down from the ring, attaching the back of the jacket. Atsushi was secretly thrilled to see an accessory that was as useless as his fingerless leather gloves. The walking stick Break held in his hand further set him apart, as he did not seem to have an actual need for it. Atsushi wondered if it could be, in truth, concealing a sword. “Anō, who are you?” He asked meekly.

    “I am Xerxes Break, dear boy. I work with the organization Pandora.”

    Atsushi’s breath caught in his throat. He vaguely remembered Kunikida explaining something about things called “chains” sometimes escaping a place called “the Abyss” and that when that happened; Pandora was the only group capable of dealing with the problem. The thought of something being beyond even the Armed Detective Agency’s capabilities had nearly made him faint. “Wh-wha-whaat. Is ther-“

    Break held up a dismissive hand and smiled. “Not to worry. Today I am here on a social call.” Atsushi released a long, shaky breath. “And who might you be, boy? Osamu’s new subordinate, perhaps?”

    “Uh, yes. Atsushi Nakajima. Nice to meet you.” Atsushi walked over and offered his hand, which Break politely shook.

    “Nakajima-kun. It’s a pleasure. I’m here to see Osamu, but your mentor seems to be missing.” Break strode over to Dazai’s desk and flopped down comfortably into his chair. After a moment’s pause, he opened one of the desk drawers and rummaged around, soon producing a full tea service and laying it out on the desktop. Atsushi watched, dumbfounded. He instinctively looked to Kunikida, who just shook his head as if to say, ”don’t ask”.

    “Would you care for some tea, Nakajima-kun” Break offered. Still dumbstruck, Atsushi merely shook his head slowly and turned trying to remember what it was he had been about to do. Kunikida sighed heavily and sat back down at his desk, opening his notebook to make some furiously scribbled notes. Naomi came back through the office, pausing at Dazai’s desk to take a scone from Break with a grateful smile. Ranpo stirred over in his corner, slowly opening his eyes to see what new scent had just attracted his nose.

    “Ah, Break. Good morning.” He said as he stretched, and then casually came over for a snack.

    “Good morning, Ranpo-kun. I insist you try a Mille-feuile.”  
  
    Dazai finally made his appearance just as Ranpo was making his way back to his desk with a plate. Walking through the door, Dazai yawned loudly and rubbed the last bit of sleep from his eyes.

    “Osamu. You’re just in time for tea.” Break chirped cheerfully. Dazai nearly startled at the unexpected, but welcome voice and focused his attention to his desk, smiling broadly.

    “Well, I do have perfect timing, after all.” He came over and perched on the edge of his desk, accepting a cup of tea from his friend and eagerly eyeing the assortment of pastries.

    A loud, exasperated huff came from Kunikida’s desk. “This is a place of business, not a tea room.”

    “Awww, Kunikida-kun. All this stress is no good for you.” Dazai pointed out. Kunikida merely scowled at him in response. He opened his mouth to scold the pair further, but his phone interrupted, beeping urgently at him from his desktop.

    “Oh, is your phone dying?” Dazai asked, giving Break a furtive glance while Kunikida was busy checking.

    "You know.” Break took a sip of his tea, made a slight face, added a few more lumps of sugar, and stirred. “I hear that microwaving your phone for a minute will fully charge the battery.”

    “Really?” The unsuspecting blonde brought his head up, looking the white-haired man square in the face with slight suspicion.

    “Of course.” Break smiled back.

    “Oh, such a time saver. Kunikuda-kun, better make a note!” Dazai exclaimed, before stuffing his face with an éclair. Kunikida opened up his notebook and began writing. Even with a mouthful of éclair, Dazai couldn’t stop the chuckles escaping. His pen still scratching against paper, Kunikida titled his eyes upwards to look at them over the top of his glasses. Ranpo and Atsushi watched from their respective spots, one unsure whether or not he ought to say something and the other rather enjoying the show.

    “Kunikida-kun is so gullible.” Break looked up lazily from his tea, an amused smirk unfurling across his lips as he caught Kunikida’s gaze “He’s a bit like Gil-kun, really.”

    The sound of Kunikida’s fountain pen snapping in half filled the room. He jumped out of his seat, shaking his fist at the two troublemakers.

    “I’ve had enough of you, Hatter!” He shouted at Break.

    Dazai leaned towards his accomplice and mock–whispered, “oooo, he’s calling you Hatter.” Break laughed heartily.

    Kunikida glowered from across the room, willing them both to choke on their tea and pastries. Atsushi began to fidget anxiously while Ranpo kicked back in his chair, mirth clearly displayed on his face. “You!” Kunikida shifted his rage over to the other trickster. “Dazai! Don’t encourage him. No-where in today’s agenda does it say I spend my morning being harassed by a walking waste of bandages and a one-eyed loon!” Break and Dazai feigned hurt in complete sync.  
Ranpo snickered at his desk. Atsushi screamed internally, feeling as if he might faint. 'He only has one eye?' He thought frantically, staring at Break.

    In the midst of the chaos, Fukuzawa entered with his usual commanding presence, his eyes not yet fully focused on the scene before him. Kunikida giving an enraged lecture was a common occurrence no matter the time of day, so he had no sense of foreboding. He tilted his gaze upwards slowly, where it rested on a smiling Break sitting at Dazai’s desk, his tea in one hand and a forkful of cake in the other. At that unwelcome sight, the eternally poised president’s cerulean eyes widened in dread.

    “Yukichi-kun.” Break nodded with an impish grin. Fukuzawa’s rational mind understood that Break was so far beyond being his senior that the man was essentially ageless, but he would never quite get used to being addressed in such a manner by a man who looked only as old as his staff. His lips twitched involuntarily before he was able to form a polite smile and return the man’s greeting. In that moment, he decided that there were more pressing matters than what he’d come in for; namely separating Kunikida and the Dazai Duo. In any matter, he could discuss his business with Kunikda and expect him to inform the others as needed.

    “Kunikida.” He turned to the seething blonde. “A word in my office."

    Kunikida calmed himself and made to follow Fukuzawa with a grateful nod, but a meek, yet friendly and professional looking man poking his head in through the door interrupted them. Kunikida’s face relaxed at the sight.

    “Reim!” He declared in relief as he strode over to shake the man’s hand. Reim came in, accepting Kunikida’s hand with an apologetic smile.

    “I see Break is here. I’ve been looking for him. I hope he has not caused too much trouble.” Kunikida gave a look that the other bespectacled man knew all too well as they let their arms fall back at their sides. Sighing, Reim looked past Kunikida’s shoulder to meet Break’s vexing smile with an exhausted and irritated glare. “You weren’t at the meeting.” He accused his friend, who remained unaffected as he handed a pastry-laden plate to Atsushi, who had calmed down and decided some food was just what he needed.

    “Oh, I knew I could rely on you to take notes for me if there was anything I really must know.” Break and Dazai shot the agitated brunette matching grins. They resembled a pair of smug housecats that had just knocked an assortment of things off a countertop.

    The bespectacled pair sighed heavily in unison, shoulders drooping. Fukuzawa merely stood, watching everyone in mild bemusement. Reim made his way over to Dazai’s desk, giving the armed detective a curt nod as greeting and refusing his colleague’s silent offering of tea and a scone. Pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, he met Break’s gaze confidently.

    “I really must insist you come back to headquarters, Break. This is not a day off.” Considering his friend languidly, Break made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

    “Reim. You must learn to relax. Why don’t we all go down by the waterfront and have a picnic? I could call Gil-kun and he could meet us there with Oz-kun and Alice-kun.” Dazai’s face lit up at the suggestion just as a clear, feminine voice rang out from the office entrance.

    “Xerxes Break!” All heads turned to see a petite, finely dressed brunette standing in the doorway, one had on her hip and the other holding an ornate harisen fan. Her graceful features were tainted by the exasperated glare directed at the tea-drinking nuisance she’d come to retrieve. Break only beamed back and greeted her affectionately.

    “Sharon-chan! Are you here for tea?”

    Silently fuming, the elegant lady marched up to Dazai’s desk, came around the side of it and gave Break a swift, powerful smack upside his head with her harisen.

    “Time to go.” She demanded and grabbed his arm, to lift him up from Dazai’s chair. Break allowed her to do so, smiling all the while. He reached back to grab his walking stick and caught Dazai’s eye.

    “It seems I’m needed at headquarters, Osamu. Will you kindly clear away this away? I will come back for the serve ware later.” He gestured to the tea service and Dazai nodded with a warm smile. Sharon pulled Break along by his forearm, with Reim following along behind. They stopped at the door and Sharon turned to address the current company.

    “I do apologize for the nuisance this fool has caused.” She pivoted towards Fukuzawa with a slight bow of her head. “I hope you all have a pleasant day from here on out. Until we meet again.” Sharon elbowed Break in the side. With a Cheshire grin, he bowed.

    “Until next time, Armed Detective Agency.” He straightened again and looked to Dazai. “I’ll call you later, Osamu.” Sharon tugged on Break’s arm then, and he allowed her to lead him out the door. Reim closed the door behind them, offering a quick nod of farewell in response to the matching one Kunikida gave him. The door shut softly and with that, Fukuzawa and Kunikida let out relieved sighs.

    “President.” Dazai smiled idly from behind his desk, finally seated in his chair. “Try a Mille-feuile!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first installment. A second chapter is coming (working title: "Aku and Gil are Friends"). This may or may not become an ongoing project, with multiple chapters. We'll see. Stay tuned!


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